The Third Person View

Sometimes when I’m talking to people, 

About other people, 

I wonder if they talk about me too,

I want to know if they talk about me in a positive way or if I’m a joke to them,

I wonder if they like me or they are just pretending to,

I want to see myself from their point of view

I push away people ‘cause I’m scared,

Scared that I’d get attached and then be betrayed… 

I’m scared of falling for someone ‘cause I know, No one has ever fallen for me in that way… 

And no one probably will, 

I often wonder if people who are my friends are just there ‘cause I’m there for them to rant to 

And I overthink in my bed at nights about the ones who I miss… 

I want to hug them I want to tell them that I miss them but I know I’ve already hurt them… 

I want a person in my life who loves me for who I am, someone who’s not my parents… 

Not a boyfriend necessarily, just a best friend would be great… 

My heart feels lonely as I lay in my bed chatting with my friends about their crushes… 

Meanwhile I’m unable to find someone who’s right,  

I hate it absolutely hate it, the way I pine… 

‘cause I know, that I have friends but

I’m done with the feeling that I’m the second option for everyone 

‘Cause everyone has someone they put on number one 

Idk if any of this makes sense…